‘Are you a top or a bottom?’ Have you been asked this question before? And how did you answer it?
Well, some of you may give the answer, ‘I’m versatile,’ meaning that you’re OK with going both ways. But then the other person might go on and probe further, saying, ‘But which one do you like better?’
Indeed, it’s a curious thing how some people have to see the world in black and white — either you’re a top or you’re a bottom; either you’re straight or you’re gay; either you’re masc or you’re femme.
The problem with labels is that they perpetuate stereotypes, and stereotypes limit people by drawing them this invisible box that restricts what they can and cannot do.
Like if you’re a big guy, you’re supposed to be the dominating party in bed, or if you’re a feminine guy, then you should be submissive.
But seriously, why can’t a big guy prefer to be the bottom and his smaller size partner be the top?
Now, have a quick look at this short sketch by Michael Henry on stereotyping people as top and bottom based on their appearance:
Yes, stereotypes do let us assume things about each other which may make things more convenient at times.
But reality is that many of the assumptions we make are hardly accurate.
Worse, stereotypes perpetuate homophobia within the community and encourage shaming.
Femininity would continue to be seen as a bad thing, and people would continue to be shamed for not being manly enough, or being ‘too much of a bottom.’
If you ask me, that sure doesn’t sound like a very nice and friendly environment to be in, where certain types are seen to be more superior than others. In fact, it’s toxic.
Stereotypes can hurt people, and can also stop some from exploring other sides of their sexuality and sexual preferences.
As a community that’s used to rejection, discrimination and ostracism from various segments of society, we should be disowning prejudiced boundaries and limitations.
Allow people to have the freedom to be whatever they want to be, without having to feel fear, shame or guilt.
IMO, top, bottom or vers, as long as we are having more fun, love, laughters and kindness than those who judge us, who cares? Live and let live.
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